“I’ve made so many dumb decisions during my life it’s embarrassing. Instead of looking at them as regretful mistakes, I instead choose to look at them as lessons learned during my life of incredible adventure.”—Kim Iversen
“For me when a relationship runs its course and ends, it’s sad, but I’ll be honest, a little refreshing. Letting someone go means having the space to let someone else near. The wonder of who that new person may be is always exciting to me.”—-Kim Iversen
I'm in love with my Husbands cousin and he is in love with me. This has been going on for 15 yrs. on and off and we try to keep away from each other. We have gone years without speaking to each other and yet we think about each other everyday. When we can't get each other out of our minds we reach out to make sure the other is still there. It is heartbreaking; I don't know what to do? Do I leave,and disrupt my family, or do I let him go forever? I adore him...I love him! He is my soul mate
Wow. this is intense. First let me just say that when we are in committed relationships it’s easy to lust after someone else, even for years. It happens all the time. We naturally want what we can’t have, and when we finally have it, we realize we don’t want it. Taking the whole “cousin” part out of it, I’ve heard this dilemma time and time again and it usually ends the same. The person finally leaves for the long lusted after love only to realize they have all kinds of issues and the love wasn’t nearly as strong as they thought. They then regret their decision. I just worry that not only will you and the cousin find that the years have blurred the love and turned it into something much more grandiose than you both thought but you will also destroy a family in the process. Multiple families. And even if you DID work out, what then?? A family is still destroyed.
Personally I think you should go to a counselor and talk it out. Discover if you truly love the cousin or if your emotions have just turned this fairytale into something much bigger than it really is. You may find that its just a dream and that reconciling it is all you need.
My ex broke up with me recently because I am ready to move on to the next step, moving in together, and he isnt and needs time to think if he is ready to move on with our relationship. We have been 2gether for 2 years and have a child yet doesnt want to commit to me? He also HATES the idea of marriage and thinks once you move in together the woman thinks marriage must happen , which is NOT true. He still wants me to remain faithful while he "thinks" but idk if I should wait around or let him go?
Wow. You have a kid and he STILL doesn’t want to think about moving in together or marriage?? Listen, if he’s not 100% into you moving in, don’t. You’re best not progressing your relationship if he’s this hesitant. I say move on. My guess is when you do he will come running back. Sounds like you’ve been too “easy”. (Calm down honey, I’m not talking about sexually). Men need a chase and they value what they have to work hard for. Don’t be an easy target.
Kim, I am new to dating after being married 25 years. Online dating is no fun! Is it just me or do others hate the fact you can go back online after a date and see your date shopping/ chatting for others? Isn't it sad that because of the easy access to 100's of women/men online , some choose to keep shopping for someone better?? Maybe it is my own insecurities, but how can one get a second date if its so easy to shop?I enjoy your show and for an old timer like myself, it is so helpful!
Online dating is tough but can be great. It really depends on how you look at it. You also get to chat with many people and have access to a huge pool of people to select from. Going on a date is great, but no one wants to be committed after just one, so continuing to shop is normal. Plus, if the person wants to see you again after chatting with others online, you know they must see something special in you. I suggest going for the paid sites only, it weeds out the people only looking for a ”booty call”. Also, I suggest you try a site like www.meetup.com that has nothing to do with dating but just social group get togethers where you could then maybe meet someone. They have every type of interest on the site. Who knows, getting out there and meeting new people could mean meeting the right guy. Best of luck! Don’t get discouraged! Kim
Kim, I need some advice. I have a horrible habit of dating all my male friends, and when it doesn't work out we always lose our friendship. All my friends are trying to get me to go out with this really nice guy I am friends with, but I don't want to lose our good friendship either. I am also not sure if it is even worth it, because I dont know if he is into me or not.
Then don’t. If you have any hesitations there’s probably a good reason. Barring any major past issues hindering you from opening your heart, if you have hesitations, it’s because your sub conscience is telling you not to do it.
If he shows major interest and he becomes “worth it”, you can reconsider. Wait until that point.
Ok, so here\'s the story, I like this girl, lets call her Ann. I have a friend ( Guy ), lets call him Bob. I Like Ann, a lot, and my friend Bob knows This. Me and ann are close to going out. We call each other every night, say i love you to each other ect. Bob and Ann used to go out, and now, ann tells me that bob text\'s her saying stuff like i miss you, you are perfect for me ECT. and she said, what about your est friend ( Me ) and he said, He will get over you, i will talk to him ect.
This is a tough one but I’m going to lay it on you.
Couple of things to consider:
1. Bob dated Ann first. There IS a code that you should not date a friend’s ex because of situations like this. You say Bob isn’t being a good friend, but Bob could claim you’re not a good friend for violating a code that most people adhere to.
2. Ann could be playing you both. I’m not saying she doesn’t like you, I’m just saying people like to be loved and what better but to be loved by two people. Desire is a powerful drug and she is being desired by both of you. She’s obviously talking about the things the two of you talk about to Bob since he’s saying things like “he’ll get over it”. She’s obviously egging him on to a degree or she wouldn’t even allow for Bob to talk about you or anything else with her. Something to keep in mind….
You are going to lose one. Him as a friend or her as a potential love. Sounds like she isn’t very committed to you yet. I’d choose wisely.
I have had a huge crush on this guy in my media lit class, and homecoming is coming up pretty fast. How do you propose I go about asking him to homecoming without scaring him away?
Honey! Let him be the one to ask you!! Trust me. I’ve always been the aggressive girl who goes after what I want and in business it has served me beautifully but in romance, not so much. In hindsight I would have ended up with more courageous and ballsy men had I let them do the asking. If you don’t get asked, go with your friends. I didn’t go to all the dances and I never sat at home upset over it. You can make your own fun. In the meantime, flirt with him and smile a lot. Give him the impression that you are approachable and won’t laugh at him if he gets up the courage to ask you. Good luck!
help kim! I love my fiance, we got engaged a month ago. Only now I feel I am settling. I found he has usernames like RockHard and HungStud on multiple adult chat sites but says he just had to create those names to get access to videos of local women doing strip teases. He's never asked for this from me! AND I found a video of him shirtless saying "Hey yall, wanna add me?" from 4 months ago!I don't believe him when he says he just watched videos now I've seen that! Does he deserve a 2nd chance?
Nope. He’s lying and doing things behind your back. Unacceptable and in his case unforgivable. He’s a liar and its time to move on towards someone you can trust enough to make a life with.
Hey Kim, I was wondering if you could give me some advice about my now ex boyfriend. He broke up with me in early Aug when our son was 1 month old and told me he needed to "think" if he wanted to be with me or not. He still wants me to come over to his house with the baby and still acts like we are boyfriend and girlfriend, just never says I love you anymore. He even get's jealous when he finds out I talk to other men. I want us to work out so much but dont know what to do.
Ugh…oh girl I’ve been there. He wants you in his life but he wants others in his life as well. You have to move on and not let him treat you this way. He says he doesn’t want to be together so you need to believe his words, not his actions in this case. He is acting like you’re together when he sees you and I’m sure he acts like he’s together with other girls when he sees them. He loves the attention and the love. Move on and just make good parents rather than good partners.
I have a dilemma, am an avid listener of your show, and always find myself yelling at you guys!
So here is my dilemma…
I am 24 years old I have been successfully running my own companies for 5 years now. I have always have a can do attitude and an it had to be done two days ago since of urgency.
I have a current boyfriend that I can say that we had "love at first site" kind of relationship. He has been out of work for over 8 months, we have only been dating for 4 months, I cannot understand why he is not employed.
When we first started dating I put a time line on his employment that he had 3 months to find any job. Needless to say that 3 months has come and gone and he has not found a job yet.
Which is where my dilemma lies. I feel that I have let my self down in not keeping to my word, and breaking it off. I have no idea what to do; he is no even looking for employment, or has any drive for a job.
I do care about him and want to put together a forever road with him. Although without finding a job I have started to lose respect and trusting in him.
I truly do appreciate you reading this rambling and also any advice you have for me!
Unfortunately what you see is what you get. It’s taken me a long time to learn this lesson. Though it is true people can change, the VAST MAJORITY don’t…so it’s best to never ever count on it. When you met him he was unemployed. He has remained unemployed and probably will continue to. When you finally break it off because you want to be with a contributing member of society, he MIGHT go run off and get a job, but even if he did, once your back with him he’d be back to his loser ways.
You can’t change a tiger’s stripes. What you see is what you get.
I have a co-worker I don't know how to handle. She is self-proclaimed bi-polar and admittedly does not take her meds like she should. She talks about how she drinks and shouldn't and forgets her meds. She dresses really inappropriately sometimes and displays odd and crazy behavior at times. She texts the boss about anything and everything and isn't a team player. She is rude sometimes, sneaky other times. She's not trustworthy and we've been told not to tell her anything. If we have a problem, we have to talk to our supervisor. We are also supposed to be team players and not tattle. However, she does it all the time and we can't trust her with anything. She gets away with murder. We've made several complaints and the lady who made the most complaints just got fired! She is obviously getting special treatment and we are supposed to just deal with it. Every time she complains, we all have to sign papers reminding us of our policies and procedures. It's unfair, crazy and a joke. I don't get it. Is it the HIPPA law the boss is afraid of? Can we be told to not tattle and deal with her crap in the same breath? Can she treat us however she feels like at any moment and get away with it just because she's bi-polar? I hate being at work sometimes because of her and I love my job. What do I do?
According to the experts I’ve spoken to, there really isn’t anything you can do about this woman and her behavior. We often have to face uncomfortable situations and sometimes we have to endure them for years at a time (i.e. middle school).
Because there really isn’t anything you can do as far as reporting her etc, what you CAN do is try a unique approach. Try to befriend the woman. Invite her to lunch and coffee. Be kind, listen, try to really get to know her. Maybe in getting to know about her upbringing and her circumstances you will come to understand why she feels the need to tattle and be rude. Be generous with your kindness and your time and you might find a good person deep down inside of her. Once you find that person, you can try to emphasize those qualities and help her become a better person. She clearly needs guidance on how to be better and I’m confident that if you take the right approach you can be the person to help better her.
I've been married 11 years to a guy who doesn't "get" me. We married 7 months after we met, and I feel like he misrepresented himself during that time. That, and I was just so stupid rushing into the marriage without knowing him as well as I should have. We have 3 kids, and while life hasn't been terrible the whole time, it has not been fun. He has criticized almost everything about me. I can't get him to come up with any real reasons why he likes me other than my physical appearance. I can sincerely say the only reason I'm glad I married him is because I had these irreplaceable kids with him. I wonder if I'm being selfish, just wishing all the time that I could be with someone who completely cherishes me. And I dream about feeling that way about someone, too. I just don't think I'll ever feel that way about my husband. I've been struggling a LONG time with this. Are we wasting our time trying to stick it out for the kids?
I would personally say you DEFINITELY need to put your foot down and decide that you are NOT going to live like this any longer. Go to a counselor and brainstorm your options. They don’t all lead to divorce. There are many ways for you to fix this relationship and you need to explore and try everything before going down the path of breaking apart your family.
But first, say NO to these feelings and this life. Don’t go one more day putting up with this. See a counselor and get some options going. It’s likely going to take some time to fix, but don’t give up. I do believe that most relationships are salvageable. I’ve heard enough stories of couples who hated each other, had no passion and nearly divorce turn it around. You can do it too!
You don’t need to live like this at all!! Get some help and get started on changing the dynamics of your relationship!
Hey I broke up with my boyfriend because my friend said he was flirting with her! So, I broke up with him and my friend asked me why! I said , "because you said he was flirting with you!"
Then she said, "no,he was never flirting with me!" I was confused, so I avoided both of them for a few days till I could get the whole mess figured out. A few days later my other friend told me that my ex and my best friend were going out! Well, they've broken up, and my ex is getting flirty again, and may be asking me out soon. I still like him, but Im afraid he might cheat again, what should I say?
You should say HELL NO!!! Demand more for yourself and of your friends!
Is 'fasting' healthy? What is the best way to go about doing a mind and body cleanse?
I’m not a medical expert, but I do think fasting in small amounts IS healthy. However, I prefer just cleaning out the body the old fashioned way: eating healthy. Just keep eating really healthy until all the bad junk is out. Pretty simple. As for the mind. I really enjoy hypnosis. I use these youtube hypnosis videos to clear my mind. They are supposed to be for self esteem, but I’m sure they’re just good for anything. I often fall asleep to it. Try it out. Let me know!
Kim, weird question...I've always been discusted with people who date their cousins or close family. I recently, after about a decade and a half got to know my cousin and have recently realized, I love him. Is it really that wrong? What should I do? I'm really not that ok with it. help!
Ok listen…it’s weird. Really weird…but people do it. Look at the entire Royal family. They’re all pretty much related to their spouses. I don’t recommend it, but if you two are really ready to deal with the scrutiny…it’s your life!
Hello Kim! I have been at the same job, a call center, for about 8 years. The last 6 months have been hell. Different manager. She and I have gone to HR over her threatening to walk me out the door 'cause I am not selling above 100% goals. Or, she will come up to my desk and belittle me about how I fill out a tracker for calls wrong. Its a piece of paper for crying out loud!!!! And she even will stand behind me when on a call and talk so loud my customers can hear her. She's rude, and I think the biggest 'b' I have ever met. The only reason I am still there now is the tenure, 401K, and tuition reimbursement. Thought I could make it to finish my next degree in two years, but only if I can deal with this situation better. Should I go look for another job or bite my lip and stick it out?
Start looking but don’t quit till you find something better. You spend too many hours of your life at work to be HATING it.
alright kim, there's this guy who has been around for a while. I'm 20 now and I've known him since I was 15 (he's 24) and we've always been "good friends" we talk on the phone for hours.. he gives me great advice and we click on just about any level two people can click on. We've kinda tossed around the idea of dating a few times and I backed out every time. A big part of me thinks it was because i was scared because I'm so young and another part of me thinks maybe it just was not meant to be... All of my friends keep telling me to go for it and the worst that could happen would be that it doesn't work and then the what if factor goes away... should I do it? or should I keep him in the friend zone he's fit into so comfortably for five years? hellpppp. I'm not sure if this helps but we've never kissed or anything other than hugs.. so the connection is purely intellectual. I mean, he's a very good looking guy so I'm attracted to him it's just never been pushed that far. Hope you can help me! Thanks..
Sure try it out. Why not?
Well..wait…I can tell you why not…you might lose a friend. BUT..you might gain the man of your dreams.
I know several people who ended up marry the man they were just friends with for years before dating. Trust your instincts.
Hi, I'm TC, been married for almost 10 years. This question is sex related. How do most women feel about oral sex? I enjoy it when I get it, which is not often...and I have let my wife know that it's something that I enjoy. I even go down on her because I know she enjoys it. How would you suggest I go about getting her to perform it more often? Or do women even enjoy doing it? Thanks.
Hahahaha….most women don’t really prefer to do this to her man. Early in a relationship women will do it because they know men like it. However, as time goes on and things get comfortable, she may start to relax and opt to do things more enjoyable to her.
Here’s the deal. Communicate. Tell her how much you like it, but be reasonable as to what your expectations are. Be specific. Instead of saying, “I want more oral”, tell her how often “more” is. Is it once a week? Once a day??? Do you take forever? Can you speed it up? Can you maybe drink some pineapple juice a half hour or so before she does it? Flavored lube??
This is so embarrassing but I just really need to know why this happens but my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and when we have sexual intercourse he NEVER seems to have an orgasim...I know that it's not me because I've never had a problem like this with previous boyfriends, I've tried so hard to make our sex life interesting and fun but it just doesnt seem to work...so I guess what my question is, is it normal for a man not to be able to have an orgism during sexual intercourse? And is there anything that cna be done about it?
I’m not a doctor but I’m pretty sure this isn’t normal. There could be a medical reason or it could be a personal issue. I know some men can’t orgasm through intercourse because they spend too much time online…if you know what I mean. You might want to find out if there is some sort of sexual dysfunction or deviant behavior that is blocking him from experiencing full pleasure with a real woman.
Kim, my Boyfriend and me are about 4 years apart and I'm 15 and he's 18 i really love him but everyone thinks he is a pedophile should i keep calm and keep my head or should i tell people off. I think people don't like it mainly because we both are gay how should i deal with this?
Well I don’t think he is a pedophile, but you might want to reconsider this relationship. 4 years isn’t too big of an age gap, but I still don’t think it legal. You need to check your state laws. Still, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to find people your own age to date. You will change so much in these next few years.
I'm 18 years old, and I'm about to graduate. Underclassmen idolize me, and adults respect me. I'm extremely confident and outgoing when it comes to taking action, but I'm terrible at talking. I'm way too to the point and mostly talk about practical things, so I have almost no conversational skills whatsoever, which means the people i want to hang with and the girls I have interest in don't feel comfortable around me. What should I do?
Ok this advice will sound strange, but start surrounding yourself with the conversation you hope to have. The easiest way to do this is to watch tv shows and read books that emulate the way you’d like to start communicating. Instead of watching information shows or CSI etc, try watching dramas and comedies and trashy reality tv…(ok maybe not THAT far). People become what they are surrounded by. If you often hear it, you will start to be it.
I went out with this guy only twice, and since it was summer he told me we were only casual. I said that just hanging out was fine, but I didn't want him to be intimate with other girls. He totally agreed. But now it has been a month since I have hung out with him and things are different. He texts me a lot, but it isn't his cute ways anymore. Then, suddenly the other night he asked me to hang out, but I was busy. He was telling me how he missed but then throws out that he is super horny. What should I do? Does this mean he only thinks of me as a butty call? Should I still go for him? I am only 17 years old, but guys don't fall all over me. I feel like I won't get another chance...
Girl….this is a BAD situation! You need to have more self respect and demand more for yourself. This guy is booty calling you! Here’s the deal: Men, especially young men, will say what they need to say to keep you hooked and available to them. He is saying sweet things etc because he wants to keep you on the line. If he really cared, he’d show it in a million ways other than, “I’m super horny”.
You say guys don’t fall all over you but at 17 they shouldn’t. That doesn’t need to happen this year or next year or the year after that. Men didn’t start to “fall over me” until my mid twenties. You have PLENTY of time!!! Don’t rush it!
hi kim, im writing because i would like your advice on something.
i was dating a guy for a couple of months and things just didnt work out, three months later i come to the surprise that my best friend is suddenly going out with him. i feel betrayed and hurt by my friend, and i dont know if i should forget about our friendship, or try to get along with the two of them.
i dont like him anymore but its just the fact that i saw him first, and it's girl code, you dont do that to your best friend, she did apologize and said she really likes him and i want her to be happy but im looking for my happyness and well being first. im ok with it when we go out as a group or at the club but its awkward for me to see them all over each other and together.
so what would you do? should i try to stay friends or just move on?
Wow. 3 months later??? That’s absurd. I can see MAYBE a year or so later but 3 months?? Definite girl code violation. It really depends on how the situation makes you FEEL. If you are uncomfortable, why be friends with ANYONE who makes you feel that way. Friendships and relationships are all about feelings. If the friendship leaves you feeling drained, betrayed, annoyed, uncomfortable etc. don’t be friends, plain and simple. Friendships should be happy and enjoyable. You should be able to trust your friends and want their company. You need to take a moment and asses how this friendship makes you feel now that she is seeing your ex and go from there. If it brings you more joy and fulfillment than hurt and betrayal, you might want to keep it. If it causes more negative feelings than positive ones, I say let the friendship go until maybe at a later time you can enjoy her company more. Kim
I fell for my younger neighbor (27 I'm 44). We had a little fling that ended with me pregnant. He said the best thing would be to 'get rid of it" as he did not want to be a dad. I reluctantly agreed (and have regretted it ever since). Found out he lied about not being with his girlfriend, they never broke up. I am having a really hard time with the break up, as i fell really hard for him. His girlfriend and he got back together (she knows EVERYTHING) He lives next door and is not in any hurry to move (lives with roommates) I own my house. It kills me to see them together. How do i get over him? Trying to date hasn't helped.
Wow. This is terrible. I have been in this situation where I dated someone who lived in my building. The breakup with rough and it was even rougher seeing him with his new gf (who was actually his ex before me). I think in your situation you need to talk to someone to help mourn the loss of both the pregnancy and the relationship. Find a therapist and perhaps some support groups. Talking to people and filling your idle hours with activities that enrich your life will bring you fulfillment and help you move forward after any sort of devastation.
Honestly....are you ever unsure of yourself? What your doing in life?
Of course! Who isn’t unsure of themselves?? The things that have helped me in life are God, family and a look into my inner thoughts, desires and wishes that have kept me on my path. If you are unsure I recommend you sit down with yourself and really think about what makes you happy and what it is you want out of life. I love the book "The One Decision" by Judith Wright. It’s a great book that will help guide you into a life that you are sure about.
I am in my middle 20's and have only been out with one guy a few times and that was several years ago. Where do you meet decent guys at? I only seem to attract much older men or creeps! Some have even been married and tried hitting on me!! I've let my weight hold me back all these years in fear of being let down and hurt but I have such a sweet personality. Where do I start??
Have you tried online dating? Perhaps getting involved with interest groups. I love meetup.com where you can sign up for activities with people who enjoy the same things. There’s a million different things on that site.
Don’t let your weight hold you back. There are beautiful bigger women everywhere. Taking care of yourself, putting on some makeup, dressing in cute clothes, having confidence…THAT’S what makes a woman attractive. You can look GREAT even with a few extra pounds. That is no excuse and you don’t need to lose the weight to be happy.
Sigh....I left my gf over 2 months ago. Now Im missing her like crazy. Ive had other gf's but let them go a lot easier. But this one is different. I love her. The only problem is withing that 2 months apart she is back with the ex that she once referred to as a monster/stalker. I know I need to move on but how can I get this crazy feeling out of me?
Have you told her how you feel? Maybe she’s just rebounding to her ex because he’s familiar and it makes her feel desirable and loved.
I say tell her how you feel. If she still doesn’t want to be with you, you are just going to have to move forward with your life. Realize the lessons you have learned from this relationship and make a vow to be better next time you are blessed with an amazing woman. Then have faith that the blessing of a great woman WILL happen to you again. Trust me, it will ;-)
Hello, my name is Amanda. I'm twenty years old and a single mom of a two year old and I've been seeing this guy named Micheal. He's twenty two, and we've been pretty serious for about three months now. He's wonderful with my son and wants to be a father as well. But I'm having some issues with his sister. The relationship is pretty much perfect except for her. He lives with her, and her husband because he's currently looking for work and she pretty much treats him like a twelve year old. I understand that we’re both still pretty young but I'm a mom, and I need something stable, not only for me but for my son. I'm not planning on having a man around him if he's not going to be there. His sister seems to control every aspect of his life. Where he goes, when he's going to be home. Whether or not he can sleep over at my house. The basic stuff like that. He really doesn’t know how to stick up for himself when it comes to that. I’m not sure what he’s afraid of, getting kicked out or if he’s going to lose his relationship with his sister. (His sister has pretty much raised him.) She’s also pushing him to join the military. “That it’s going to make him a better man, it’s going to get him a career, and he needs the discipline.” She’s always on this high trip about always knowing what’s best for him. I know a part of him wants to go, but I think he feels pressured and he wants to make everyone else happy. But I think he needs to wait, until he finds a job and in a couple of months, figure out what he wants to do. I really just want him to do whatever makes him happy. If joining is what he wants to do, then I’m all for it, I just don’t believe he’s only doing it for himself.
I do love him very much and I can see a future with him but we’re fighting and bickering a lot lately, and it’s always resulting back to his sister. I just don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to end it because I like that he’s in my life, but I’m getting tired and frustrated. I want him there when I need him and not always having to ask his sister’s “permission” , but I can’t seem to have it like that. What do you think I should do? Should I give him an ultimatum? Should I just go along with whatever his sister says and just be patient? I’m so stuck.
Oh boy. I’ve been here before. I had a boyfriend when I was in my early 20’s who also lived with his highly overbearing mama bear sister. Here’s the deal, you’re young. Yes, YOU are very mature because you’ve had to be being a mother at such a young age (My mom also had me at the tender age of 18, so I understand how quickly you have to grow up), but he is still a man in his early 20’s learning how to be and who he wants to be. His sister has been a guiding light to him for many years and he wants to respect that by listening to her and respecting her home. This is the type of quality that is good in a young man. You had a child that forced you to grow up and he has a sister who’s forcing him to grow up. She has been there his whole life, knows him, knows his strengths and weaknesses and thinks she knows what’s best for him. Maybe she does. Maybe she’s right. Maybe in 3 months there’s no way you could know him as well as she does.
My advice to you is to realize that to him at his age and in his situation his sister comes first and what she says he will respect. You will either need to be patient and allow him to grow up through the next 5-7 years into the man you need, or you need to decide if you are best off with someone who is already as mature as you either because they are older and have earned their maturity, or because they needed to grow up quickly like you did.
He is 22. He’s not going to be that man you need or want just yet.
I'm 21, for some reason I seem to attract attention from much older men, almost exclusively. There have been incidents with a family friends husband (their granddaughter is about my age) and one of my co-counselors at a summer church camp (he used to be one of my counselors when I was in high school and his son was one of the campers at the camp this summer).
Recently I began seeing someone my age, 22, but he suddenly stopped talking to me. I've tried contacting him but he seems to be ignoring me. I know his life is busy and stressful and complicated right now because he's graduating soon but since he isn't talking to me I have no idea...well...why he isn't talking to me.
I've always gotten along better people older than me but this is the first time it's really been a problem.
Obviously I don't have any desire to date men old enough to be at least my father, especially married ones with children and grandchildren.I just don't know what to do.
Oh sweetie…what are we gonna do with you!!? Why in the world are you attracted to such older men?? That is one you’re only going to break by dating men your own age. I know they might not be as attractive at first, but after awhile you will get used to the feeling of being with men your own age and it will become familiar. People are attracted to familiarity. This is why women who had distant relationships with their dad’s attract distant men; they are familiar with distant. You are somehow familiar with older. Once you get familiar with youth, you will be attracted to it. It’s why women who are abused continue to attract abusive men, why cougars continue to be attracted to younger men etc.
Now..on to this issue about the 22 year old. Good for you for trying this younger relationship out! Just because this one isn’t working doesn’t mean younger relationships don’t work for you. Just move on from this one and on to the next! Younger guys are different than older guys and the more you date them the more you will understand the differences and appreciate them. There are downsides to younger men and upsides, just like with older men. Equal but different, but in your young case…better.
there's this guy in my office (i won't call him a friend - an acquaintance i suppose) i see him almost everyday, i have the hugest crush on him, but he's so rude and crass that i can't even figure out why i like him, but i do, and it crushes me every time he comes around to chat with people around me and leaves without saying a single nice word to me. do i act on this? wait around for him to be nice to me? or write it off as a stupid crush on a jerk? (but i don't honestly believe he's a jerk, i mean he's so nice when other people aren't around) i'm so confused.
This is just a stupid crush on a jerk. You “honestly don’t think he’s a jerk” because this is what us women do when we like someone; we make excuses for them. Sure…he has his moments of being nice, but moments of niceness aren’t enough for a good healthy relationship. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t say a single nice thing to you??? You deserve better and he deserves to learn a lesson. Good things come to people who are good to others.
I have a friend and they seem to commit their entire lives to their boyfriend, her entire facebook is filled with status's like "I can't wait til ____ gets home" "I miss my boyfriend" "I love my boyfriend" ...is it wrong to get super annoyed by this, what do you think of women like this?
Sit her down, have a loving talk and tell her how you feel. Tell her you think it would be healthier for her friendships with others if she didn’t revolve her entire life around this one other person. If she doesn’t listen to you, you have the option to decide whether or not you want to stay in this friendship. If its THAT annoying to you, don’t hang out with her anymore.
I have a friend and she got married after being with her boyfriend for less than five months, then moved in with him, and now is trying to have a baby after only 3 months of being married. And if she did he wouldn't even be there for the pregnancy or birth cause he is going to be gone for a year due to being int he military. I want to be happy for her but I think its ridiculous to move that fast!
Does her life somehow effect yours? Is your happiness somehow dependent on her actions? Is she in a relationship that is causing her unhappiness or harm? If she’s happy, the only thing you can do is be a good friend and support her. She might not be operating on YOUR time frame, but it sounds like her and her husband are just fine with their lives and you should be as well.
Kim I need you help, my boyfriend of 3 years are having problems and now he wants to end things. I messed things up. I held him too close and I didn't want him to go out with his friends because I was so scared of losing him and now I did. I can't stop calling and texting him begging him to come back. Please help.. how do I fix this :(
Give him room to breathe. You smothered him and now by calling, texting and begging you are smothering him some more. You have to give him the time and space to regroup and time to breathe. That might take a long time. If you want him back that is what you have to do. It will be tough, but you have to do it!!! Kim
mike here, i am 55 and have been single all my life i have had a few girlfriends but. nothing lasting.. i just had a heart attact 1 year ago.. doing good now and been doing a few new things to change my life. am a motor bike rider now.. i feel like is it me or are there others out there... i dont have kids or a family.. like most people .. it does make it hard to make friends because thse types of things i never expireaced. and some people always say to me you dont know , you dont have kids or family .. need ideas to help me make the most of life. and into church. i do get by just now and then sence the attack. am i doing all i can... because i will do it alone.. i can except that ... and have .. just wondering what others do..
Mike OF COURSE there are others like you out there!!
Here’s my advice for making the most out of life. I once read a GREAT book that really helped me. It’s called “The One Decision” by Judith Wright. It’s a life changing book that helps people make the most out of life. It’s great and I highly recommend it.
I also recommend online dating. Find sites that are filled with like minded adults and start making new friends and having new experiences. A great site I like is Meetup.com There you can find lots of groups with like minded people and get together to do enjoyable things.
Hi I need advise I want to ask this girl out but I get very nervous around her. We are good friends. But when I'm about to ask her I stop. I need advise.
You just have to go for it! The worst thing that can happen is she says no. So what if that happens? It’s not the end of the world and there will be other women out there for you to be friends with and to date. My point is, you have way more to possibly gain and not a lot to lose by just asking her to dinner.
I have been on and off with a friend from college for two years now. When we began moving from friends to "Friends With Benefits" he had just broken it up with his girlfriend. This school year he was dating the same girlfriend from before, that got back together over the summer. I tried for awhile to keep our friendship strictly a friendship with no sexual relations once I knew he was dating her, however, it didn't last long... I was hooking up with him for several months on and off while he had a girlfriend. Now they are broken up and she wants to know if he cheated. Do I tell her the truth?
She deserves to know if she’s asking, but HE needs to be the one to man up and tell her. Tell her that you don’t feel comfortable answering that question and that if she wants to know, she needs to confront him for the answers. You then should tell the guy that he needs to grow a pair and tell her to her face that he was a dirt bag and that she deserves someone better.
Now let’s talk about you. YOU need to do whatever you can to change your mentality about your self worth and value when it comes to men and relationships. Allowing yourself to be the other woman, whether it be he has a girlfriend or a wife is a dangerous road for you to go down. Women who allow themselves to be mistresses or side women are cheapening their own worth. You deserve to be hooking up with a guy who actually likes you and wants something more than just a little side dessert. The more you allow yourself to be in this type of relationship the more often it will happen because men have an amazing radar for this stuff. Women who are desperate always get the same type of men. Women who are abused seem to fall into abusive relationship after abusive relationship and do you know why? Because men have a radar that is unparalleled. They can sense what a woman will put up with and settle for and if you start to allow yourself to be the other woman, you will give off that vibe and only attract men in your future who are already committed and have no intention of committing to you.
What I’m saying is you’re playing with fire. Don’t start down this road and you’ll never be “that girl”.
so ive been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years and just about a month ago, he told me that he doesnt make plans with me for the future because he doesnt want to be disapointed, this really hurt me and i cant really seem to get over it. ive talked to him about it, but he told me he was sorry for sayig it, but it was true. it makes me feel like a fool because i had plans/dreams on what our future could be like.....what should i do about all of this? i feel so foolish
This is a tough one. I’ve started to answer 4-5 times and I keep erasing each one. I feel terrible for you and I know how you’re feeling. You’re confused, hurt, and confused some more. How could he have been with you all these years and not see you in his future? I know. It doesn’t make sense.
When women date men they do it hoping it will lead eventually to marriage and family at some point. It doesn’t have to be immediate, but we women don’t waste our time on partners we don’t see a future with. This is why this is so tough for you. You’re a woman and can’t understand what your boyfriend is saying to you.
Here’s the kicker. Though women date for a potential mate, men date for companionship. Plain and simple. This companion may or may not end up being the woman he marries and spends his life with. Men don’t necessarily date thinking ahead. They often do, but not always. In fact, a man will hold a fun, fulfilling, loving relationship for quite some time with a woman he knows full well he has no intention of making a life with. Why men do this boggles my mind, but I know they do it. Maybe she’s a wild sex siren and she’s hot for now but he doesn’t feel safe enough with her to marry her. Maybe she’s a different religion or holds different values and its exciting to him and interesting but not someone he wants his children to be raised by. Who knows why men will carry on relationships for years with women they don’t intend on creating futures with, it’s not in a woman’s nature so we just don’t get it.
I’m sorry he did this. I’m sure he’s sorry he did it too. I’m sure he also doesn’t want to let you go and will convince you in every way he can to keep you, yet he’ll tell you time and time again he sees no future. Believe his words on this one. As much as you might want to get sucked back into his arms when he’s sweet or calls or texts, this isn’t going anywhere…he’s told you that, and you’ll only have yourself to blame for sticking around another couple of years hoping he changes his mind.
I'm 21 and I've gotten into a few grad schools for the next year, two of which I'm considering. One is about an hour away from my boyfriend of four and a half years, and objectively speaking, a great and highly ranked program. The other is another highly ranked program that's a better fit for me, but it's about 5 hours away from my boyfriend. He is super supportive and wants me to go wherever I want. I think I want to go to the one that's farther away, but I feel guilty about being so selfish. What do you think??
At this point you have no choice but to be selfish. You two may love one another and want to make a life together, but you’re not married nor engaged, so at this point, you need to make choices for yourself as a single girl.
At 21, its not likely you will be continue this relationship for the rest of your life. Of course it’s possible, but not likely. If the two of you are meant to be together you will get through grad school and still be together.
Hi Kim...I suppose this is where I will most definitely get an answer :) I have tried so many things and never got a response..so here goes. I have a fiance of 8 years and we have a 5 year old together. We've lived together for over 7 years. He is 25 and I am 27. A couple of months ago one of my ex.best girlfriends told me that he had been calling her for several months and saying things like "I miss you," or "Sometimes I pretend your my girlfriend"...stalkerish things like that ya know. Anyway he admitted to calling her and not saying anything a few times. He said he never said any of that...but it's kind of hard to believe. I mean..why would he call her anyway? Just to hear her voice or what? And I can't seem to wrap my head around this whole situation. Its always on my mind and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy just thinking he could have done that to me. Theres more...a couple years before that we were all drunk and I went to the bathroom and when I got out of the bathroom she was on top of him kissing him. He said it wasn't his fault of course and she pretended to pass out after that. It's hard to just give up on 8 years...I love him so much. But for him to think of someone else the way he supposedly thought about her....makes me wonder if he really loves me. Does this happen to anyone else? When I bring it up..he always changes the subject and turns everything around on me by bringing up things that i have done in the past. It just seems like he had some kind of obsession with her. Another time...we were hanging out at her house and i woke up and caught him looking into her bedroom..just staring...watching her sleep. What kind of behavior is this? Please give me some advice. I wish I didn't feel like this.
Oh girl this is bad. I’m so sorry. He does seem to have an unhealthy obsession with your ex-best friend. Whether he said the things she claimed or not, he admitted to calling her.
It sounds to me like the two of you started your lives together at a very young age. Perhaps he hasn’t had enough time to explore. Some people don’t need that time to grow up and develop but many do.
This being said, you have a 5 year old daughter and I’m the BIGGEST advocate of trying everything possible to make things work for the sake of the child. People disagree with me on this vehemently but I truly believe kids don’t care all that much about whether or not the two of you have the happiest of relationships, instead kids care about whether or not each of their parents loves them and spends time with them. If you leave this relationship, how often will your daughter see him? What women will she be introduced to by him? Will you be willing to give up all control during the times you have to give her to him? These are big questions to keep in mind.
I suggest you talk him into going to counseling. Maybe he can work through some of whatever is going on in his head.
Normally I’d say run away from this one, but the two of you have the responsibility of a child and need to also consider what is going to be best for her. You took her on as a commitment and she deserves to have the best possible upbringing.
I just got out of a 2 yr relationship, he is already bragging about hot girls online and how he flirts with them. It has only been a month since we split.
And we were living together..
How would you respond to this?
And how much time should it truly take to get over a 2 year relationship?
Well first of all you CAN’T get over this until you move out. When are you getting out????
He’s not classy at all for talking about other girls in front of you and you need to firmly tell him that’s inappropriate while you’re still living in the same place.
My first suggestion before you ask any other questions is when are you getting out??!!?
I have been engaged to my fiance for 6 months. Our wedding is, and has been, set. It is less than four months away. Last night while checking my Facebook updates, my best friend, a bridesmaid to my own wedding, uploaded a picture of her hand with a diamond on her ring finger, along with a quote of, "we're engaged." I am quite upset, yet everyone tells me there is no reason to be. Her and her "boyfriend" have been together for 8 years and have 3 children together. Why now? Why this time? Do I have the right to be upset? I feel like I should tell her how I feel, but I dont want to lose a friendship. Do you think its best to just let it go? I dont feel like I should be excited for her, when right now I want to be excited for my fiance and I.
Personally, I think you’re friend certainly could have waited another 4-6 months before getting engaged. 8 years and 3 kids is an excessive amount of time to think about marriage. It seems this couple is clearly already committed to each other, so why the formality now? if it can wait 8 years and 3 kids it can wait another few months.
I say talk to her about it and ask her how it happened. Did he surprise her or did they talk about it? Is it just a formality or did he FINALLY decide he wants to be with her forever? Did she see that you’re getting married and it now sparked the wedding bug in her?
Lots of questions, only one answer, and thats an answer you can only get from her.