Wow. this is intense. First let me just say that when we are in committed relationships it’s easy to lust after someone else, even for years. It happens all the time. We naturally want what we can’t have, and when we finally have it, we realize we don’t want it. Taking the whole “cousin” part out of it, I’ve heard this dilemma time and time again and it usually ends the same. The person finally leaves for the long lusted after love only to realize they have all kinds of issues and the love wasn’t nearly as strong as they thought. They then regret their decision. I just worry that not only will you and the cousin find that the years have blurred the love and turned it into something much more grandiose than you both thought but you will also destroy a family in the process. Multiple families. And even if you DID work out, what then?? A family is still destroyed.
Personally I think you should go to a counselor and talk it out. Discover if you truly love the cousin or if your emotions have just turned this fairytale into something much bigger than it really is. You may find that its just a dream and that reconciling it is all you need.
Wow. You have a kid and he STILL doesn’t want to think about moving in together or marriage?? Listen, if he’s not 100% into you moving in, don’t. You’re best not progressing your relationship if he’s this hesitant. I say move on. My guess is when you do he will come running back. Sounds like you’ve been too “easy”. (Calm down honey, I’m not talking about sexually). Men need a chase and they value what they have to work hard for. Don’t be an easy target.